Jane Eyre
Don't even bother wasting your time on the Cole's Notes for this one, I'll sum it up for you mighty quick and proper.
Haughty brat gets sent off to boarding school where she gets a bit of a brain and her BFF gets offed by the typhoid and then the young feminist tobe gets shipped off to some old broody gits castle where he becomes smitten by her nubile charms and then wants to marry her but there is some crazy ex locked up in the attic who buggers these plans and then she shacks up with some religious zealot who wants to trek her ass of to India and marry away while feeding the poor to which she says screw that and goes running back to the old broody git only to discover the crazy bitch in the attic burnt the friggin' castle down and checked out in the process leaving old broody guy blind and lookin' like an overdone grilled cheese sandwich but what the hell, he has money and love prevails and they spit out a kid and everybody lives happily ever after and even the dog gets a bone. The end!
Sadly, it is not the end as everybody and their cat seems to want to make a bloody film or mini-series or carve her face on Mt. Rushmore, whathaveyou, point is this damn vehicle refuses to go away. In this 1997 version, considered by many to be the worst, we have Samantha Morton as said Eyre and Ciaran Hinds as Rochester and bu gawd it is some of the worst work I've seen either do yet stranglley this remains my personal fave. Why? It's pretty and it's damn short which suits me just fine as I'd rather burn my eyes out with a soldering iron than sit through another drawn out episode of this romantic crap!
Haughty brat gets sent off to boarding school where she gets a bit of a brain and her BFF gets offed by the typhoid and then the young feminist tobe gets shipped off to some old broody gits castle where he becomes smitten by her nubile charms and then wants to marry her but there is some crazy ex locked up in the attic who buggers these plans and then she shacks up with some religious zealot who wants to trek her ass of to India and marry away while feeding the poor to which she says screw that and goes running back to the old broody git only to discover the crazy bitch in the attic burnt the friggin' castle down and checked out in the process leaving old broody guy blind and lookin' like an overdone grilled cheese sandwich but what the hell, he has money and love prevails and they spit out a kid and everybody lives happily ever after and even the dog gets a bone. The end!
Sadly, it is not the end as everybody and their cat seems to want to make a bloody film or mini-series or carve her face on Mt. Rushmore, whathaveyou, point is this damn vehicle refuses to go away. In this 1997 version, considered by many to be the worst, we have Samantha Morton as said Eyre and Ciaran Hinds as Rochester and bu gawd it is some of the worst work I've seen either do yet stranglley this remains my personal fave. Why? It's pretty and it's damn short which suits me just fine as I'd rather burn my eyes out with a soldering iron than sit through another drawn out episode of this romantic crap!
posted by Ink Casualty at 2:59 PM
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