Sunday, January 18, 2009

Body of Evidence

Oh my Gaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwdddddddddddd......!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For those who have yet to see is as bad as you've been led to believe
and then some!
The question is....why?
Let's start with the plot, I'm sure Mickey Spillane used most of the elements attempted here long before I was born and he probably lifted from some dude before his time. So, this courtroom drama ain't no TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD. No, it's an excuse for Madonna to run around and have kinky ass sex on the big screen and here is the major, and I do mean MAJOR problem with BODY OF EVIDENCE. Most of that sex is with Willem Dafoe!
Now, I ain't a chick and I ain't gay but I've had neither male or female ever say to me "oh...I just got to be gittin' myself some of that Willem Dafoe's ass!"....hell...not even the goth babes fluttered when he did SHADOW OF THE VAMPIRE, the same ones who go all ga-ga over Udo Kier,....not so much as a blip out of their blackened hearts. Now, I know the whol premise is Madonna is supposed to be fucking old dudes to death but damn, Frank Langela (another vampire it just so happens) and then Jurgen Prochnow as a bed-buddy partner in crime?!?!?!?!?!?!? Come on now, couled the casting department have found more abnormal faces to throw up on that screen? It almost makes you feel sad for Joe Mantegna, hell, we know he is supposed to be the good guy but why not give him a little bit of Madonna action as well, like, a mercy screw or something seeing as everybody else is getting a piece!
To her credit Madonna does seem to be trying here and her overt sexuality caused this turkey to make some serious dough for the producers as well as continue to expand her now vast empire but it would have greatly helped if Uli Edel had at least "tried" to direct her here as she can act when used in the right hands. Part of me suspects it was the Barbara Streisand syndrome, as in Madonna calling the shots to what WILL and WILL NOT be done in the film and I sure as shit don't envy Edel's job here. As for the sex, it wasn't that damn racy then and it sure as hell ain't now and am I the only one who feels like I'm looking at my mother when I see Madonna naked now, as if she has somehow de-sexed herself by being too damn sexual?!?!?!?!?! Oh, and let's not forget poor Anne Archer is here even if I bet she wishes you would.

As a POST SCRIPT here, all of you Madonna lovers out there...don't even bother to email me with your complaints! You know I love Madonna, we ALL love Madonna, this just was not her finest moment. Hey, we all have off days, even Her Madge.


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